You came here to find me, didn’t you? Secretly, I knew you would.

It’s been a 2024 . For some reason I did all of the rituals and neurotic Chinese New Year traditions this year because I’d like to receive all the luck I could get!

I feel like this year, is the year I tune everyone out and zone in on me. It sounds self serving to me, but after years of over serving others, I was able to stand firm for myself, which lead to people reacting shockingly to this new stance. All of the times I just went too much into the flow, and didn’t have an opinion, I lost myself fulfilling other people’s wants and demands.

Time is still ticking and then I realize, I can’t keep letting myself down because its so much easier to please others. I understand the creative isolation we artists feel because we’re a bit different. Unhinged even. While the rest of society is climbing the social ladder, I’m out here creating. I really believe that only certain people understand. This is also the period of time where I’m not quite the same person in the past, and still becoming the person to reach my greatest potential.

That period of loneliness of letting go old friends, people, and even family because I just don’t have the darn time and energy to re-explain. I remember trying so hard to prove to the community and or leaders that I was more than just a pretty face. A breaking/burnout point is always needed so I can just let go and refocus on myself. Let my own craft speak for itself.

My energy has drastically changed. As much as I grow fond of my extroverted ways, I’ve learned to conserve my energy. Its limited now, and I need to save it for creating. Its friggin precious.

I’m listening a lot more to my body now. Having the privilege of taking rest and baking in the sun, looking to the skies and talking to God. Connecting with humming birds and squirrels-yes. Feeling at peace when I see butterflies and free birds. I like to fantasize a great deal, its fun. Then I snap back to reality to know the difference. Im often scared to sleep, because my mind keeps running and things visit me at night whether I like it or not. So when its a good dream (which isn’t often), I keep hold to it. I savor it. I write it…cling on.